I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
