And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
