I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
