He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
