chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
