It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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