There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
