I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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