hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
