im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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