I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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