he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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