Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
