allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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