I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
