Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i love accidental penises.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
