Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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