How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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