I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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