God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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