omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we should paint friendship bongs
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