Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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