if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
