Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Randomize
