Are we in a gay sports bar?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My vagina is officially offended.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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