Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
