Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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