So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
