and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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