In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
