I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
