When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
