Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
