if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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