good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was like getting head from an anaconda
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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