Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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