He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
