i barfeds in our rink
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
