It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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