some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
