Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
