Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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