too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
