ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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