hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
