When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
