She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
