he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
