dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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