My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
