On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
tonight lets celebrate not being married
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
