he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
